Digging...

Sooooo, I was given a book, "The 4 Elements of Success" by Laurie Beth Jones and I thought it was just "another" personality book designed to let me excuse bad behavior on the basis that, "I was made this way".... but my pastor whom I love and trust thought I should read it, so I did. Wow! This is a book that has real insight and instruction on how to communicate better with those in your circle of influence. Yet again, God has given me another 'Communication" lesson for my future students.

Thing is... I started reading and quickly realized that the person I thought I was... is not me. So, I started digging. I have fixed many of my flaws by installing various defenses to help me... but with side effects...

Example... I am an avid planner, sometimes too much but always about 1 month out if not a year ahead.This is a trait of the Earth personality. Stable, not prone to changing. I realized though that I have not always been this way. I can remember a different girl, so I kept digging, through the messy dresser drawers of my mind, folding back the years and placing them neatly on the bed until the pile of memories toppled over in the floor... and there she was.  I knew she was here somewhere. The 17 year old girl with the messy room and glasses of Dr Pepper growing mold samples on the shelves. The one who was late for everything... without a clock, let alone a Planner showing her the next move, appointment... or whatever. 

She is what the book calls a Wind. Blowing in by the seat of her pants... leaning a pile of destruction behind her. But... she was also fun, creative, self confident... these are things that the old lady in the mirror, forgot was there. The planner is my tool to control that impulsive nature... so much so, that I lost it.

Which brings me to yesterday. WE had things that needed done but instead of being responsible, my daughter and I left the planner (and my phone) in the car. We browsed the endless stores of the mall with hopes of buying nothing and taking unlimited time in which to do it. As I danced to music the store had playing over their sound system with a hat on that did nothing to help my appearance... I caught a glimpse of that old lady in the mirror again... embarrassment made my back grow rigid but then I remembered other old Winds in my life and thought... what the heck...

I think I will conduct an excavation site within my heart... dig up what things I have adapted out of and with wisdom & prayer, decide what resurrections need to be made!